2.8. FRUSTRATION
I’m not sure if it was a coincidence that Lynda almost lost herself today. Perhaps today was the day she’d end up turning Emily into a vampire.
“Avner, this is your house right?”
“Wow. It's actually a landed property.”
Cain and Nyill accompanied me back home by taking the ELRT.
[“I’m back, right outside the door.”]
It didn’t long before the gate split open with my aether and mother appearing from behind the entrance.
“W-Welcome back.”
“Good evening to you, Miss Crosswood. I’m Nyill, a nurse from Alska General Hospital. Your son helped prevent the spread of an NtBM case and I’m very grateful for that. I understand that you’re worried for him, but I assure you that he’s safe.”
“Ah, thank you very much nurse.”
“His actions were commendable. I apologize for having brought him along to the hospital. The other student had asked for his company.”
“I see, so that’s how it is.”
I was, by some magic force, ushered into the house as my aether and mother began discussing with Cain and Nyill in regards to what happened.
Father just came down from the stairs, Lia was already standing before me with a pout.
“What happened?”
“I tried to help someone.”
Cain and Nyill supplemented explanations to cover for me. I didn’t get in trouble that day.
I suppose this is the benefit of being part of the angel’s faction. Which makes me wonder if the same assistance would be given if I joined the demon’s faction?
===
It was mid November. Snowfall had begun.
The finals were coming in another week.
Though I’ve been busy preparing for my exams, I didn’t neglect my art.
As surprising as this sounds, I got an offer to do a commission for the cover art of a novel series. The user wasn’t really a popular web novel writer, works were so-so.
In any case, I decided to take it. The amount I would receive from the commision isn’t a lot. I could only attribute it to my lack of understanding when it comes to practically earning a living through my work. Else it would be my unrealistic expectations that I can earn enough right off the bat to go survive on my own.
I can’t depend on small commissions if I truly want to make this my bread and butter. I need bigger clients.
That said, my biggest constraint to working for a big client is time. I don’t have all day to draw. And even if I squeeze every nickel, I could only hit 4 hours max, else I’d have to cut back on sleep. Plus, having that peace to grind for 4 hours is in itself a rare occurrence.
Here’s an example of what happened recently.
I was called (yelled at) by my mother in the middle of a drawing session. It’s one thing to be called, an entirely different thing to be disturned in the midst of work. All the momentum I built up was gone in an instant.
“Avner, look at this.”
I nodded in silence.
“I’ve told you time and time again, turn off the heater when it’s not in use!”
I don’t even know who it was that left the heater on.
Because of these constant interruptions, I feel doubtful about my ability to keep up with work. It’s difficult to keep focus in this sort of family.
Money is such a troubling topic.
But earning money independently is a skill I’ll have to learn in this era. I don’t know when the ball will drop– when the family will break apart.
I don’t have a lot of time left; I don’t know what options I have.
“Big bro, study..”
“No. Stop disturbing me.”
“You’re going to make mommy angry.”
“Fuck that.”
It’s chaos, this family is chaos. I’m beginning to lose myself.
I don’t remember what Lia did after that, xe just went to sleep. I kept drawing late into the night, woke up early and continued to draw until I had to go to school.
===
<Pu’er Greenwood>
I came to class a little later today.
Avner is already at his seat, what is he doing I wonder? Lily, it’s time to zoom in!
“You know how to draw?”
“Yeah.”
Avner’s deep and superficial miasma gauge was rather high today. Did something happen to him?
“Yo, morning. Any reason why you came to Avner’s seat?” Ares you prick don’t show me that smile!
“Avner knows how to draw.”
“He knows.. what?! Since when?! Oi, this is really good.”
“Thanks.”
His superficial miasma is.. rising? Something is wrong.
“How do you draw? This thing is?”
Ares began bothering him, and every time he did so. The gauge would spike.
“U-Uh.. Ares, could you not disturb Avner?”
“Whoops, my bad.”
The gauge dropped a little. Safe!
Oh no.. it began rising again.
One thing about the miasma gauge I find vague is the lack of a value or a threshold cap. Even though I say high, I don’t exactly have anything to use as a guide but my honed instincts say that it’s ‘high’.
Which is scary because there’s something wrong with Avner!
“Um.. Avner, are you alright?”
“I’m alright, really.”
He’s not alright, it jumped again.
“Sorry for disturbing you.”
Maybe he’s focused on his drawing. I do get mad whenever someone tries to disturb me when I try to write my blog. It takes a lot of concentration you know!? It’s not easy to come up with something to write every day.
I went back to my seat.
[It’s good you gave him some space.]
“But still..”
Ares also left Avner. His superficial miasma stopped rising, his deep miasma went up.
I’m worried.
What happened to you this time, Avner?
===
I was playing TinyArmies to cool off my brain after writing my blog.
[Total readership is 2545, with 17 subscribers.]
It’s stupid how only 2 of the 17 subscibers come on to read anything I post. I don’t get it, what is it that makes people stay? Is my writing not good enough? How long do I need to keep writing?
Avner hasn’t logged in since the day I helped him do it in school. Has he already given up on this game? I helped catch the thieves in his camp. If he doesn’t do anything about it soon, everything will soon become destroyed!
I should tell him about it.
I hesitated.
Why did Avner’s miasma gauge rise? It wasn’t because of me, was it?
It’s rare to see someone's miasma gauge fill up so quickly. The last time it happened was when I forgot to close the fridge. All the ice melted and made a mess of the floor. Aei superficial miasma went through the roof.
We had to remove all the food because they were no longer safe to eat.
I learnt my lesson.
“Lily, should I message Avner?”
[What will you talk to him about?]
“TinyArmies?”
[It’s worth a try.]
I steeled myself and sent my first message to him in a while.
[“Avner, you still hadn’t logged into your TinyArmies account!”]
I didn’t receive a reply.
2.9.
In the days following, his deep miasma gauge remained high. His superficial miasma would rise and fall unexplainably. You would find him drawing first thing in the morning. Same during mid-morning breaks, same during lunch.
He was disregarding lunch. So once, I bought him bread. Both his deep miasma gauge and superficial misama shot up.
But to my surprise, he said thank you with a troubled expression. I expected him to lash out.
He wanted to pay me back for it but I declined. I’m just glad he ate.
I don’t understand. I did something good, so why did Avner become more bitter? I made his miasma gauge rise, so why didn’t he blow up?
If Avner can hold his miasma gauge at such a threshold, why couldn’t my parents? They would’ve exploded into a flurry if their gauge was this high.
When it came Friday, our training session, Avner approached me to remind me of our visit to Cain’s office. Which was relieving.
But it begged the question, what was troubling Avner? He was trying his best to suppress his feelings. I can tell from how quiet he had become the past few days. Ares had also been avoiding him.
Over the past few days of observation, I notice something like his deep miasma gauge being converted into superficial miasma.
Could deep miasma be grudge? And superficial miasma be emotional turmoil? Grudge, as in something that sticks with you for a prolonged period, but emotional turmoil as in something that can be released.
Grudge wasn’t limited to others. It could be a grudge against himself?
The uncomfortable sensation of being pulled out of my body came to me as we entered this black and white world once again.
“Finally, I get a break.”
“What’s wrong, Avner?”
“Just stressing over my work, that’s all.”
“Do you wish to express your concerns?”
“No thank you. I’m good.”
You’re no good Avner. You should tell Cain.
“I haven’t procured any good weapons since the last ones you broke, I apologize for that.”
“It’s no big deal. So with Pu’er here, how will you attempt to train us?”
“I intend to prod the capabilities of hirs strength first.”
“Eh.”
“Pu’er, good luck.”
“What do you..”
A floating light orb with angel wings floated in front of me.
“Do your best to escape.”
“Eh?”
I was hit by the laser before I could react.
{WARNING: EROSION VALUE: CRITICAL}
The world was spinning around me, my head hurt. Like something had been stabbed into my brain. The world was still black and white, my body felt incredibly heavy. I couldn’t think straight.
I was about to pass out falling when a soft warmth enveloped me. It was Avner. He supported me in his arms.
“What did you do?!”
“This.. isn't right, I had thought that..”
“Pu’er, are you alright? Hello?!”
“I’m alright, what happened?”
Avner was concerned for me, what a bubbly sensation.
“What are you thinking?! Mister Cain, Pu’er isn’t like me!”
“M-My apologies.”
Avner’s superficial miasma gauge is dropping, his deep miasma gauge is climbing.
It only makes me confused, seeing how the interaction between the two plays out. I don’t know anymore.
“Will xe be alright if xe leaves this space?”
“Xe’ll suffer from some headaches..”
“Xe won’t lose any memories right?”
“No, xe won’t. I held back.”
Avner said nothing more and laid me on the ground. With the legendary lap pillow. Ah, we meet again.
“Are there no healing items? Will xe recover?”
“Xe will recover naturally if we wait long enough. But I have recovery potions at hand. “
“How long does it take for natural recovery?”
“It varies.”
“Pu’er how are you feeling, do you feel pain anywhere?”
“I feel dizzy, and want to vomit, hehe.”
It’s getting worse. Ugh.
“Pu’er, I’m sorry.”
Cain came over with some sort of bottled liquid. I was forced to drink it. It had no taste.
{WARNING: EROSION VALUE: DANGER}
{WARNING: EROSION VALUE: MODERATE}
I feel way, way better now.
“Can you stand?”
“I’ll try.”
I still stagger when I stand though.
“Can you move?”
“It feels kinda heavy.”
Come to think of it, I was just shot in the head by that light orb, wasn’t I? Was I supposed to dodge that?
Scary! I didn’t even know!
I rubbed my forehead.
“I’ll have no choice but to leave you out for today’s session. I’m sorry, truly. It was a blunder of mine.”
“It’s alright.. did you do the same thing to Avner?”
“Yes.”
“Ah..”
I turned to him, he was glaring at Cain– his superficial miasma gauge dropped a little more.
I don’t get it. What is it that causes it to fall?
For the remainder of the session, I watched Avner and Cain duke it out with each other. I couldn’t help but think I’ve joined some anime world. There’s no way I can move my body like that. Absolutely no way!
Nonetheless, I’m just glad Avner was able to relieve some of his pent up stress by absolutely destroying Cain. Why is he so good?! He’s so cool?! Aren’t we both fledglings?!
===
The weekend passed, I was back to school. Safe haven! I’ll finally get to see Avner again. I can’t wait for this Friday. I want to try again, this time I’ll be more careful.
{EROSION VALUE: 88}
Anything below 10 is CRITICAL.
DANGER is below 30.
MODERATE is below 60.
LIGHT is below 80.
I don’t think there’s a word for above 80.
The headache outside the astral space was the worst. I was glad it recovered before class ended that day.
I got to class with jumpy strides.
Until I saw Avner’s miasma gauge which.. didn’t fall. What’s going on?
“Morning Avner.”
“Morning.”
“Are you.. alright?”
“I’m fine, just don’t disturb me. I’m sorry.”
“Okay..”
The same thing happened on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. He’s trying to isolate himself from the world. Ares didn’t even talk to him that week. He did ask me why, but I had no answer to it either.
“You know, there’s a positive NtBM case in this school.”
“Huh, really?”
“It’s true you know, from class 4I.”
“4I?”
“Lynda Sparks.”
“Don’t tell me it’s the person Avner..”
Brunette nodded.
No way.
You don’t mean.. Avner was right? How?
Wait, what if this has to do with why he’s so bitter?
“What happened to the person?”
“She’s being hospitalized right now, from what I heard. I don’t know if there’s going to be news about our school, can’t wait.”
“It’s not a joke.”
“I know it’s not. Hey, do you think Avner did something? He’s been.. very quiet lately.”
I peeked at Avner again. He was flat on his desk, resting.
“I don’t know.”
I need to ask him. I can’t just sit back and watch.
Did the two really have something going on between them?
2.10.
<Avner Cross>
I scheduled my mornings when I got to school to draw. And during breaks, and times when the teachers allowed us to self-study.
Ares, Pu’er, Brunette, Julien and Cailly did come talk to me during this period of time, I couldn’t remember what it was that they said. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to them.
{YOU HAVE STEPPED ON A MINE}
{WARNING: YOU HAVE STEPPED ON A MINE}
I turned to the culprit.
“Avner, what’s wrong?”
“What do you mean.. Actually, keep this time stasis for a bit.”
I laid down on the hard floor and pressed my arms against my eyes.
I’m tired.
Burnt out.
Absolutely beat.
I don’t care that Pu’er is here anymore. Just let me rest.
I almost died trying to finish the commission. I had to even prepare for the exams. It was hell.
I’m impatient, I’m aware.
But sitting around and letting things just happen feels so nauseatingly discomforting.
Shin’s bad habit is bearing its ugly head. He’s an absolute workaholic.
He should learn a thing or two from Avner; relax and chill. Things will come eventually, one must just keep consistent with patience.
Right?
But wouldn’t it be equivalent to relying on luck?
That wasn’t how Novelle did things. Everything had a purpose, she was able to grasp what the readers wanted, the story they wished to follow, and build a community around it.
I don’t know how possible it is to do the same for art.
Unless I use my skill to create stories?
This is seriously frustrating. Just how?
There’s got to be some opportunity somewhere I’m not seeing. I’m thinking too narrowly.
Pu’er spoke.
“Is this.. about Lynda?”
“Lynda? No, it’s an entirely separate thing.”
“Really? So then Lynda.. you’re the one who..”
“Ask Mister Cain if you want to know so much.”
“...”
“Sorry. I’m just out of it. Give me some time to recollect myself. Just leaving me alone is good help Pu’er.”
“Okay then.”
Xe got up and made her way over to the corner of the class. Xe sat there and stared into the air.
I ignored hirs antics.
I didn’t have the energy to mind it to begin with.
What happened the past week anyways? Ten-ish days just passed like that. No grand encounters or life altering developments, just my normal everyday grind.
I tried to spend as much time and energy as I could drawing. I eventually lost myself in my work. I forgot to rest. Fear got to me. And the vicious cycle began.
Shin is very particular when it comes to distractions. The little things get to him. Particularly problematic as we’re a part of Avner’s family.
Not only do I hate the environment at home, I also hate how I can’t do my work in peace. Even if I wanted to rent a place elsewhere to stay so I can focus on my work, I don’t have the money to do so. Moreover, I need to save that money in preparation for an unknown future.
I’m stuck.
Stuck in my own mind, Shin’s mind.
I must have been crazy to set a goal of earning enough so that I can pay for my own life.
Avner would’ve just worked at a convenience store to earn some part time cash.
Though that would generate money in the short term, scaling it, or expanding it would be nigh impossible.
I need a client base, an asset, something that has the potential to generate steady income flow, and stay with me even till the future.
How exactly does one go about that anyways?
What I’m I doing wrong?
I’m I drawing for the wrong people?
I’m I drawing the wrong things?
I’m I not searching for the right industry?
I’m I not doing enough, yet?
Do I need to reach out more?
I don’t doubt my skills. It’s practically a cheat, I can draw anything from realism to environmental paintings. My skills are at a professional level.
But having illustrating skills does not equate to being of value.
I’m falling yet again into another dilemma..
This must've been what I was trying to avoid. Drowning myself in my work so I didn’t need to answer the crucial questions, the difficult questions– the fear of facing my– fears.
Today’s already a Friday. 9 days since Lynda went to the hospital. How’s she doing, I wonder? I didn’t see her when I walked by her class. I didn’t text her either because I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.
“Perhaps I need to do more research.”
If I’m going to depend on art as my main skillset, there are four paths I can think of. Educating, creating stories, becoming an art influencer, or doing commissions.
Educating. There are a lot of artists out there who do this, an oversaturated market.
Creating stories. There’s always new demand for this. However, this poses three problems. One is that I don’t have the time to draw a lot, and drawing comic strips takes a lot of time. Two is that I don’t know how to balance a good story plotline. I’m not a writer, I don’t know where to begin. Three would be the factor of luck. I don’t understand enough about what makes a good series successful nor what is required to monetize the work.
Art influencer. That’s out. Not something Shin would want to pursue, no question.
Commissions. This is the one I had been attempting to do. It’s creating art for other people’s projects. The amount of money earned would be in proportion to the size of the client.
I was Novelle’s illustrator, and she would commission me for a good amount. Though, we usually just share the money. As Shin, that’s the only success I’ve had as an artist.
If not for Novelle I would’ve been..
Come to think of it, I was just leeching off her success, wasn’t I?
Dumb Shin. You weren’t even capable of surviving on your own.
Creating art books or souvenirs, I can throw those ideas out the drain because I don’t even have the capital or audience base to begin these larger projects. And this goes against the method of making money through doing commissions. One depends on an audience, the other depends on good clients.
“So it’s either I go for commission, or create stories.”
A school of fish, or one big catch.
Creating stories would resolve the issue of finding an audience. It would spotlight my work.
No. That’s not possible. If I took the story route, I wouldn’t have any leeway to even do commissions. My biggest constraint is time, how many times do I have to remind myself?
“Then the only option is commission.”
Focus on one and ignore the rest.
What I should do is search up job posts for freelance illustrators.
Time constraint.
Fuck.
Before I even put up a request for a job application, I need a portfolio that resonates. In that case, should I prioritize creating an art portfolio? Yes.
As for my specialization: anime, obviously. Narrowing it further, I should target indie game designers.
As for the posting of my works, definitely not ShareWiw. Sure it gets a lot of views, but I’m aiming for specific indie creators, not people who scroll SNS at random.
“Okay, so I’ll create 10 pieces of illustration by the end of the year, I’ll decide my next steps once I’m done with that.”
Time. Energy.
I don’t know if I have enough of both.
No. I do. It’s only 10 pieces of good illustration. I could work on it over the Christmas holidays.
“Do you have a habit of talking to yourself, Avner?”
“Yes, I do.”
“I always find that weird. Since when did you learn to draw? Is that the reason why you’re angry?”
“I’m not angry, I'm frustrated.”
“It’s the same thing.”
“The way I see it, anger is directed at someone, frustration is directed at yourself.”
“Oh. I didn’t know that.”
“Thank you for keeping up the barrier Pu’er. I think I know what to do now.”
I’ll finish up that random commission and begin creating my portfolio. Patients, and focus. I need to remove everything else. I’ll get distracted and dragged around if I don’t. Like say if I was hit with another cheap commission, I should deny it and work on my portfolio instead, even though it’s the money I need.
Think long-term. Don’t aim for short-term gains.
“Then.. can you tell me what’s bothering you before we go?”
“I’m trying to find some way to earn money through my art.”
“Eh, no way. Seriously?!”
I sat up and looked towards Pu’er. What?
“I’m trying to do that too, but with writing.”
“Writing? You’re a writer?”
“I am. Not a good one though. I write blogs about random things. Mostly about how to stay positive,” xe pumped hirself up.
I was about to say that it’s an oversaturated market; that positivity isn’t always a good thing, when I realize the same can be said for the industry I’m pursuing.
It’s not about the market being saturated. The market is saturated no matter where you are. You have to be competent, willing to walk through fire, grit through the pain and come out the other side. No sane person would be willing to do it, which is why you do just that.
For Pu’er, it’s blogging; for me, it’s art.
It’s finding the thing we’ll be willing to die for just to see it come to fruition.
Find that crack in the industry that no one else has. Bring something to the table that only we can.
That’s the only way a creator can survive with so many options in the world.
“So I’m not lying when I say I know how you feel too, Avner. What do you draw anyways? Why don’t you share it on ShareWiw?”
“If you plan to create something for everyone, you’ll get no one. I don’t need followers, I need people that want my work.”
As Shin, I’ve done and tried. Posting art on SNS. You’ll just get ignored. Sure, you’d receive nice comments every now and then. But what next?
It was only when I did art for a client– Novelle– and not chasing more followers, that my SNS blew up.
“Huh? But most people use SNS to share their art, if I’m not wrong?”
“It depends.”
I don’t know how others do it. I only have Novelle’s advice as reference. There’s conflicting information everywhere.
“Then what should I do?”
“I have no idea either. I’m also learning..”
“Hm..”
2.11.
On the roof terrace of the school building, I watched as cannon pelts rushed towards hir. Xe stopped hirs advance and jumped to the side.
“Use your tool!”
“I-I’m trying!”
Pu’er struggled to hold the bastard sword. Before xe could take another step, Cain fired another laser which went whizzing past hirs face.
Last time it hit hir point blank. Because I wasn’t in the right mind, I didn’t move to protect hir. That lingering regret still remains.
“Pu’er. I suggest you should use a smaller weapon until you get used to how to move your body.”
Cain lowered his arm; the plasma cannon integration.
“It looks so easy when Avner does it.”
“He’s a special case.
Cain then turned to me.
“Avner, what did you do exactly to become like this? If you know something, would you be as kind as to enlighten me with your secret?”
“I think it’s to do with my past life? If not that then I’m just as clueless as you.”
I’m grateful that Pu’er planted that mine earlier in the morning. After having reflected on my plans, I feel refreshed.
I regret not taking Novelle’s recommendation to go through a sales course before I died. I was too dependent on her as Shin. I recognize my mistake now.
I don’t exactly know how to proceed with my art career. Though, ultimately, the only thing I can do is try.
“Avner, could you lend hir the photon blade?”
“Sure.”
I materialized a torchlight-like stick. Pour in mana and it’ll pop as a lightsaber.
I passed it to Pu’er, the light disappeared the moment it left my hands.
“Now I want you to practice pouring mana into a weapon.”
“Okay.”
Pu’er scrunched hirs brows. The blade popped into existence, fading in and out. Cain beckoned me over.
“That sword, where did xe get it?”
“What sword?”
“That one.”
“The bastard sword? I don’t know, Pu’er just had it.”
He paused, then whispered.
“Xe’s the one that attacked you, wasn’t xe?”
“No, xe’s not the one that attacked me.”
I denied it. Pu’er Julis was the person who attacked me, not Pu’er Greenwood. Oh, so that’s why he didn’t hold back the first time he trained hir. He must have thought we were similar.
“Then, who was it exactly that attacked you?”
“I don’t know,” I shook my head.
Trying to hide Pu’er Julis’ existence. Is there any meaning in doing so? Yes. To protect Pu’er Greenwood.
“This is so hard,” Pu’er looked totally spent. Hirs beautiful silver hair was an absolute mess, arms dangling to the side in surrender.
“Pu’er where did you get the bastard sword from?”
“Bastard sword? You mean that black sword? I got the hairpin from an old lady.”
“Do you remember her features?”
“I was very small back then so no. Maybe she was an angel like me too.”
Weird.
“It’s questionable. This weapon would easily pass as an artifact grade.”
Cain examined the black surface of the sword.
“You’re very familiar with this weapon, aren’t you, Avner?”
“I’m familiar with most weapons?”
“I hope this isn’t a sign that you’re siding with the demons.”
“No way. Avner wouldn’t do that right?”
“It depends.”
“Heh? Really? Why?”
“I’m a demon. So if somehow there’s a problem with me associating with angels, I have no choice but to move.”
Pu’er agreed with a nod. Cain had a difficult expression on his face. He probably expected Avner to make some grandiose declaration that he would try to save the world this time around.
That won’t happen.
“Have you been in touch with Lynda?” Cain changed the topic.
“No. Not at all.”
“Are you not concerned?”
“I was too busy, no. I had trouble prioritizing the past week, so I didn’t spare any time to ask her about her condition.”
“You should do that, she was asking me why you’re ignoring her.”
“We were never good friends to begin with.”
“I heard a little bit about what happened from the rumors. So, Mister Cain was pulling the strings behind it?”
“Avner was the one who told me about her situation. I merely assisted him.”
“Really? So it wasn’t a lie? How did you know?”
“She was looking pale.”
“Don’t I look pale? Why don’t you suspect me then? Hmph. Tell me the truth.”
“I already said it right?”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Then you don’t need to know.”
“You’re only making me curious!”
“Avner.”
“Yes?”
“Though I may not be able to acquire something equivalent to the grade of the bastard sword, I hope that this is sufficient to make up for the low grade tools which I had passed you before. I put you in danger. As your mentor, I apologize for that.”
Cain took out a beautiful cyan jewel from his pocket and held it out to me. I received it.
“Thank you? It’s not your fault though. If anything, the weapons you gave me saved my life.”
I expanded the jewel and what appeared was a silver bladed longsword. The squared-off pommel and guard were made of blue crystals. The grip was black, contrasting the snowy character of the rest of the weapon.
The design looks like something you would find in a tundra fantasy. A feeling different from the mechanical weapons Cain passed me last time.
“It’s a 2nd grade weapon, Blue Kaizer. There are drones built into it.”
“Thank you Mister Cain.”
“This photon blade is his too, right?”
“Yes.”
“How about me..”
“You already have an artifact grade weapon.”
“So unfair.”
===
Weapons are divided by grade.
From the lowest to highest.
5th grade
4th grade
3rd grade
2nd grade
1st grade
Artifact grade
Ancient grade
Myth grade
There are other forms of categorization, such as class. Nevertheless, the grading system seems to be the most popular used in appraising weapons.
I decided to spend my afternoon studying.
I only have the lighting left to adjust for the commission pieces. I’ll continue again later tonight.
I should be grateful for the fact that I can accept currency even at this age. I remember having struggled as Shin because I couldn’t find any means of transaction as I was underaged.
As Avner, I’m only 16. I still have a long way to go in life.
Even if somehow the family breaks apart, Avner will still be alright. Probably.
[Avner, can I disturb you?]
“Sure. What is it?”
It’s amazing how Randell changes as I do. I was so dogmatic about my work the past week that the AI probably picked up the cue and thought that its appearance was troubling to me.
Which it is.
However, I don’t intend to disable Randell. The pros of having an AI outweigh the cons. I just need to create boundaries.
[You still have unopened messages from Ares, Pu’er, and Lynda.]
“Show them to me, thank you.”
Pu’er’s message was asking me about how I feel today. I replied with better, and a thank you.
Ares’ message was something similar. I told him that I went nuts trying to figure out a way to earn money online. And also an apology.
As for Lynda, her message had been in my inbox since Wednesday.
[“Are you online?”]
I finally replied to the above message.
[“What is it?”]
“Who are you chatting with?”
“A friend.”
I wonder why aether approached me at this sort of time.
“Is it the one in the hospital?”
I nodded.
“How is she?”
“I don’t know, I just replied to her message.”
“Alright, tell me about it when you get the reply.”
Aether went to do chores.
I noticed Lia eyeing me from behind the window of hirs game.
Since I’ve been overly obsessed the past week, xe must have felt the brunt of it too. Xe’s probably mad, since I always told hir off whenever xe tried to disturb me. Now there’s this wall between us.
The thought of it only creates a void in my heart.
What’s more important in life than family?
[“Took you long enough.”]
[“Sorry. So, how are you feeling?”]
[“I’m feeling great. What’s scary is how my personality has changed a little. Also, I have more strength. Must be because of the nanovirus inside me giving me the extra boost.”]
Vampires have increased physical abilities. It’s obvious to the person themselves and those around them. Though said, the enhancement in strength is not to the point of extreme.
Novelle toned down this aspect as this isn’t an apocalyptic story.
[“Good to hear.”]
[“I’m going to be under hospital care for the rest of the month. When will the next feeding happen mister clairvoyance?”]
The first feeding happens around 2 months after infection. The second one is also two months. Approximate.
[“Two months.”]
[“See you next year then.”]
[“Great.”]
“What do you think about visiting grandma’s place tomorrow?”
“Grandma’s place? I want to go!”
Father’s recommendation was well received by Lia. The thought of being distracted from work again irked me.
Even so, it wasn’t like I’ll make any big leaps by fretting the loss of an afternoon.
I’m already drawing 4 hours a day. I just need to be consistent.
[“Avner, are you interested in becoming my blood recipient?”]
===
dotturndot: –trying to portray frustration. If you’re the kind to chase goals, I’m sure you’ve felt it before. That feeling of.. not being there. It might not be in art or writing, but the angst is the same.
I always justify my efforts saying that It’s not working for me because I’m not lucky enough. I’ve been working to become an artist for quite a while now. The reason why I added writing into the fray was because I.. needed something to prevent me from giving up. And writing somehow felt right as the auxiliary to my art. I never intended to be a writer, I told myself it was only going to help boost my concept (which inevitably didn’t as the two crafts are very different things).
I’ve been grinding away for 2 years (for writing) and 4 years (for art). Still hadn’t had that ‘lucky’ strike yet (maybe this series will be the one?). Am still waiting for it to happen. I’ve already decided to make my dreams a reality, or die trying. How about you? Have you given up on your goals? Have you considered picking them up again?
